Free Bus to Hotel Astor

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, "Free bus to the hotel Astor!" On the way to the station on his first trip he kept repeating to himself, "Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he memorized it letter perfect.

Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows. "Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel

Faster, I mean, Bust your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."

Fastest Thing in the World

There were four people who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. 

The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair.

The next day the first applicant, was called in. The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

He thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought."

"Why do you say that?" asked the president.

"Well, a thought takes no time at is in your mind in an instant, then gone again."

"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.

Next the same question was posed to the second application. "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

She paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink."

"Why?" asked the president.

"Because you don't even think about a blink, it's just a reflex. You do it in an instant."

The president thanked her, then called in the next person.

The third applicant was asked what the fastest thing in the world was, and after hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity. Why?Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light will go on."

"I see, very good," replied the president.

Then, the last man was called in.

He, too, was asked, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

"That's easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhea!"

Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps... ..and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS.....

(He got the job....)