Hair in Spaghetti

This guy walks into a restaurant and orders spaghetti. He is served and after all of it is nearly gone he finds a hair in it. He calls the waiter over and says, "Do you see this damn hair? I ain't paying for this dirty ass meal!" and walks out.

The waiter watches him, and the guy goes into a whorehouse. The waiter waits about ten minutes and bursts through the door and the guy has go this face buried in pussy.

The waiter says, "You eat pussy and complain about one lousy little hair you found in the spaghetti?" The man replies, "Yes, and if I find any spaghetti in her pussy, I sure as hell ain't paying for it either!"

Wrote the Letter by Hand

A husband and wife decided they needed to use a code word to indicate that they wanted to have sex, without letting their children in on the idea, so they decided on the word "typewriter."

One day, the husband told his five year old daughter, "Dear, go tell your mommy that Daddy needs to type a letter. "

The child went into the next room and told her mom what Daddy had said, and her mother responded, "Honey, tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her dad what her mom had said.

A few days later, the mother told her daughter, "Honey, go tell Daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child went into the next room and gave her dad the message. A few moments later, she returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Won a Lottery

A bloke comes rushing into the house shouting to his wife

"I've won the lottery, i've won the lottery!!"

His wife says "That's great news... what shall we do first?"

The guy says "Well.. i suggest you pack your bags first"

The wife says "Where are we going?"

The guy says "Well, you can go wherever you like, i just want you out of the house by tomorrow!"


The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, "It's my turn."

"What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband.

"In bed," she explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn."