Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. 

"But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than l, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.

And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.

"What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro. "l was teeing up for the first hole, and as l brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling "Gotcha!"

Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

Golf Partners

Bart and Art have been a twosome on the links every day since they've been retired. One day, as they're putting on their golf shoes in the clubhouse, they get into a conversation about heaven and whether there are any golf courses there. They make a pact. The first one to die will come back and tell the other one. Bart dies first, and sure enough, comes back to visit Art.

Art says, "Well are there any golf courses in heaven?"

"I have good news and I have bad news," says Bart.

"We have the ultimate golf course in the sky and tournament which starts tomorrow."

"So what's the bad news?"

"You're my partner!"

Golf Lesson

A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically: "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help"

One of the men immediately replies: "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."

Golf in his Sleep

A guy and his wife are sound asleep in bed when all of a sudden the husband cracks his wife right in the head.

Wife responds "what the hell are you doing?"

Husband says "I'm playing a really tough par 5 and I just crushed my drive!"

Wife... "knock it off and go back to sleep."

Minutes later... crack... right in her head!

Wife... "now what?"

Husband... "I just drilled my three wood and I'm on the green!"

Wife... "I mean it! Knock it off and go back to sleep!"

Moments later... crack... WIFE hits HUSBAND right in the head!

Husband... "what the hell did you do that for?"

Wife... "I want you to stop using my pubic hairs to see which way the wind's blowing!"