There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk... I mean really
really really DRUNK.
When the bar closed he got up to go home, and as he
stumbled out of the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. Soooo he
stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well, the nun was really surprised...but before she could do or say anything
he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and
kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.
By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much. So then he
stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said......
"Not very fuckin' strong tonight, ARE YOU BATMAN?!"
Bar Challenge
A man walks into a bar and notices a huge pot filled with money sitting in
the corner. He asks the bartender about it and the bartender tells him it's the
prize for a contest.
"You pay 5 bucks for a chance to win the pot, and to win it you have to do three things" says the bartender. "First, you have to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Second, there's a pit bull out back who has an abscessed tooth. You have to pull the bad tooth from his mouth. Last, you have to go upstairs to the bedroom. Up there is the owner's mother. She's 90 years old, and hasn't had an orgasm in 30 years If you can make her come, the money's yours."
The guy decides to try it and tosses his five bucks in the pot. He walks up to the bouncer and decks the monster with a single punch. Then he goes out back. Soon everyone in the bar hears growling, barking, and yelling, followed by whimpering sounds.
The fellow strolls back into the bar with his clothes ripped up, covered with scratches and bites. "That's two down!" he says. "Now where's that old broad with the abscessed tooth?"
"You pay 5 bucks for a chance to win the pot, and to win it you have to do three things" says the bartender. "First, you have to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Second, there's a pit bull out back who has an abscessed tooth. You have to pull the bad tooth from his mouth. Last, you have to go upstairs to the bedroom. Up there is the owner's mother. She's 90 years old, and hasn't had an orgasm in 30 years If you can make her come, the money's yours."
The guy decides to try it and tosses his five bucks in the pot. He walks up to the bouncer and decks the monster with a single punch. Then he goes out back. Soon everyone in the bar hears growling, barking, and yelling, followed by whimpering sounds.
The fellow strolls back into the bar with his clothes ripped up, covered with scratches and bites. "That's two down!" he says. "Now where's that old broad with the abscessed tooth?"
ATM Card
One day, three friends and I went to this "Gentlemans' Club."
One of the friends wanted to impress the other two, so he pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to them, and the one friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt.
Not to be outdone, the other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek.
Now the attention is focused on the third guy. He got out his wallet, thought for a minute.....then got out his ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door.
One of the friends wanted to impress the other two, so he pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to them, and the one friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt.
Not to be outdone, the other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek.
Now the attention is focused on the third guy. He got out his wallet, thought for a minute.....then got out his ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door.
$64k Question
Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night
before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American
History.
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.
"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"
Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.
"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part
first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"
Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.
"I'll try the easier part first."
The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."
The audience silenced with gross anticipation......
"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??"
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.
"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"
Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.
"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part
first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"
Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.
"I'll try the easier part first."
The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."
The audience silenced with gross anticipation......
"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??"
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