Asking for Lurid Fast

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. 

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13....."

Angry Wife

An angry wife met her husband at the door.

There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

Always There Besides Me

A man was walking across the road with his wife when he was involved in an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatosed for two days before he finally regained consciousness.

When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hands and said meaningfully "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-writes as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."

She squeezed his hands as he continued. "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply..."

He continued, "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."

"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognized. As such, remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now...And you were still beside me..."

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me...".

"There's something I'd really like to say to you..."

She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion.

He said, "I think you bring me bad luck ... now fxxk off"

About their Love Lifes

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.

One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."

The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"

She frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" "Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."