Just Like Mom

Manny is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Manny just dates and dates.

Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Manny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ol' mom?"

Many weeks go by and again Manny and his friend get together. "So, Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?"
Manny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."

"So, do I owe you a Mazel Tov? Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not... My dad can't stand her!"

James' Beard

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"