Randy the Rooster

This farmer had about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wanted chicks. So he went down the road to the next farmer and asked if he had a rooster.

The other farmer said, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got, no problem."

Well, Randy the rooster was a lot of money, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Randy.

The farmer took Randy home and set him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a peptalk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money, and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand so the farmer pointed toward the henhouse and Randy took off like a shot. WHAM! He nailed every hen in there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer was just shocked.
Randy ran out of the hen house and saw a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He got all the geese. Randy was up in the pigpen, he was in with the cows. Randy was jumping on every animal the farmer owned.

The farmer was distraught, worried that his expensive rooster wouldn't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer went to bed and woke up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob, stone cold, in the middle of the yard.

Buzzards were circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, shook his head and said, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Randy opened one eye, pointed toward the sky and said, "Shhh...buzzards."


"What's the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the zookeeper.

"The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick."

This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office.

The zoo manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their pricks are just about the same size."

Plane Passenger

A man gets to his plane seat, and is surprised to find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes round, and the man asks her for a coffee, where upon the parrot squawks: "and get me a whisky you cow".

The stewardess, somewhat flustered brings a whisky for the parrot, but forgets the coffee.

When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells "and get me another whisky you witch!"

Quite upset, the stewardess, shaking returns shortly with a whisky for the parrot, but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach: " I've asked you twice for a coffee, cow, now go and get it or I'll give you a slap!"

In a couple of seconds, two burly stewards grab both him and the parrot, take them to the emergency exits and throw them out.

As they are ejected from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're a pretty cheeky person!!"