Looking Down There

Herb and Rosa are in their 80s. Herb always wanted an expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one day, he purchased them and came home, asking Rosa, "So, you notice anything different about me?"

"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. So... What's different?"

Frustrated, Herb goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, just wearing the new shoes. "So, Rosa, do you notice anything different?"

"What's different, Herb? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and it will be hanging down tomorrow."

Angrily Herb yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down? 'Cause it's looking at my new shoes!!!!!"

To which Rosa replies, "Herb darling, you should have bought a new hat."

Change The Motor Oil

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, 

"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered " You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again.

The same nurse said "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year.

The nurse said "You must be quite a man."

He responded "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil. This one's black."

Happy Old Man

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing,"the woman said. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six," he said.

Granny in Town

Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.

"Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there's not even a bed!"

The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator."

Elderly Couple Celebrate

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. 

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.

Then, finally, she says, "You."