Get Rich Quick

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.

The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

Diary of a Successful New Bride

Dear Diary,

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new
home, it's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel
food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately."
Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to
borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake
turned out fine.

We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said,
"Serve without dressing." So, I didn't dress. But, Bill
happened to bring a friend home for supper that night.
Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said,
"Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So, I
heated some water and took a bath before steaming
the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week.
I can't say it improved the rice any.

Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of
lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the
garden by my Mom's. So I tossed my salad into the
bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the
dog would not take it. Bill came over and asked if I
felt all right. I wonder why?

Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put
all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right
over to my Mom's house! There must have been
something wrong with the recipe, because when I
came back home again it looked the same as when
I left it.

Bill went shopping today and brought home a chicken.
He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't
know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed
back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some
little shoes. I though the hen looked real cute. When
Bill saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Today Bill's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve
roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger.
So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast.
There must be a problem with the oven, because
it still came out a hamburger.

I was going to bake bread today. The recipe said, "Mix
well and knead well. Then stand in a warm place until
double in bulk." I just won't bake bread if I have to
double in bulk!

Goodnight Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week.
I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new
recipe on Bill.