A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30.

He is persuaded to have a medical exam first. "Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm sexually fit", he says to the doctor.

"O.K.", says the medic, "let me see your sex organs."

So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.

New Diet

This woman has tried every way she can think of to lose weight and nothing has worked, so finally she overcomes her embarrassment and asks her doctor for help.

"I may have the solution", says the doctor. "It's a new diet, just approved--for two weeks you can have any food you want but instead of eating it, you must take it rectally." He assures the woman that she can survive this treatment and that she should lose all her extra weight doing it. He also tells her to come in for a checkup at the one-week mark.

She shows up a week later and the doctor, after examining her, says "The diet is working, and
I see no complications--but I will have to refer you to a specialist for your leg problem."

"What leg problem, Doctor?", she asks.

"Well, I noticed you were walking abnormally..."

"Oh that...that's just my bubble gum..."

Mental Patients II

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. James, you records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home." he said. "I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."