Two teenage boys turned up at church and the first went in for confession.

He told the priest he'd had sex the night before.

"Who was the girl involved?" asked the priest.

"I don't know, it was dark." replied the boy.

"Was it Bernadette McLafferty?" The boy said he still didn't know.

"Was it Theresa O'Hare.........or Rosemary McGinty?" asked the priest.

"I don't know, it was too dark." insisted the boy.

"Could it have been Anne-Marie, the baker's daughter?" asked the priest.

The boy continued to deny any knowledge of the girl's identity. Finally, the exasperated priest sent the boy away and told him to return when he could reveal the girl's name.

Outside his mate was waiting anxiously.

"Did you get absolution?" he asked.

"Naw." said his pal. "But I got 4 names for the dance this Saturday!"

Bugger Missed

A priest and his friend Bob were playing golf. The priest was playing well on the day, but his friend was having difficulty with his putting. They reached the par 3, eighth, the priest hit a good shot, but Bob hit a peach of a shot, 18 inches from the hole. The priest putted up to the hole and tapped in, for his par, seeing his chance to pull a shot back. Bob stalked around sizing up the shot, he moved from side to side as he addressed the putt, when he was finally ready he took his stroke, and pulled it to the right, "Bugger!missed!" he exclaimed.

The priest was rather shocked at him swearing. "My son" he said "God hears all obscenities". Bob apologized and they continued to the ninth. Once again the priest was playing his normal steady game, but Bob was in trouble in the rough and had no chance of reaching the green. 

However, he played a miracle shot, got a lucky bounce and his ball rolled and rolled stopping less that 3 feet from the hole. With even more determination than at the previous hole, he line up his shot - every thing taken in to consideration - he putted it looked good - slowly it rolled to the hole and stopped. Bob threw his putter to the ground "Bugger! missed" even louder this time.

The priest looked at his head shaking no, "my son, God hears all obscenities" no sooner had he stopped talking the sky turned black, and a bolt of lightening streaked through the air, and killed the priest where he stood. Bob looked up and heard God exclaim "Bugger missed!"