Reset the Trap

Goldstein and his wife are on a Caribbean cruise, when a huge wave sweeps Mrs. Goldstein overboard. A search doesn't find her body.

Goldstein, heartbroken, returns to New York.

A few weeks later, he gets a cable " We have located your wife's body. Also found a huge pearl, three inches in diameter, formed in her vagina. Please instruct."

Goldstein cables back: "Send me the pearl, and reset the trap."

Rented Tuxedo

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo."

Money's Worth

Sandy McDonald, a long time and respected resident of a small Scottish town, passed away.

His wife, Maggie, went to the newspaper to place an obituary. She asked how much it would be. When the newspaper man told her, she was a little shocked by the price.

She asked him, "Since Sandy was such a highly regarded resident of this town, couldn't you do it for nothing?"
"No", said the man. "But, I will give you three words, free."

Maggie answered, "Well, we could just say, ' McDonald is dead."

The newspaper man, then said, "I have just been thinking. Since Sandy was such a highly respected resident of our town, I think I could make that six words, free."
"Oh," said Maggie. "Then we could say, "McDonald is dead. Bicycle for sale."