Fancy Costume

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party.

Then he had a bright idea.

When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation." said the man "I just came in my pants!"

Emotion Party

A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts "Theme Party - Come dressed as a Human Emotion".

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink".

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts.

He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies,

"I'm tickled pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party".

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Gee, guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"

The first guy replies, "Well, I'm fucking discustad, and my friend here has come in despair.

Certificate for her Birthday

A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything. Besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants so I'm stumped."

His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex any way she wants it? She'll probably be thrilled."

So the fellow did.

The next day his buddy says, "Well, did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," replies the fellow.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour.'"