An Overweight Blonde

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds.
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

Aids or Alzheimer

A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me that
my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."

His friend says, "Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

A Quick Fix

An elderly couple were at home when the wife called out "So, when are you going to the doctor"

"I told you, I'll go when I feel like going."

After 3 months of nagging, the old man finally walked into the doctors office. "Doc," he said,

"This is embarrassing, but I'd like to get a prescription for Viagra."

"Not a problem," said the doctor, as he started writing out the prescription. The old man, however, interrupted him "Doc, I forgot to tell you I need each the pills cut into four pieces."

"I know they are expensive pills," said the doctor, "but you have to take the entire pill if you want it to work properly"

"You don't understand," said the old man. "I am almost 90 years old and I haven't had sex in more than ten years. I only want it to stick out a little so when I pee, I don't pee all over my shoes."

A Musical Discovery

A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams.

He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "

The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.

"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.

"On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "

"So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.

"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."