Screw in the Head

One day this lady goes into a plastic surgeon's office. She wanted something that would take away the wrinkles in her face. The doctor suggested that they put a screw in her head and every time she wanted the wrinkles out of her face she would tighten the screw. The lady agreed to this idea and went home with a screw in her head.

About a month later the lady came in complaining that the screw wasn't working.

"look at these bags under my eyes, they're hideous! I want my money back!" "Listen lady," said the doc, "those bags are your breasts and if you keep tightening that screw all the time you're soon gonna have a beard!"

Samples for the Doctor

One day an old man got really sick so his wife went to the doctor and told him that her husband had a lack of energy, a cough, and couldn't get an erection. The doctor said that there was nothing that he could do until he had a stool, urine, and sperm sample from the man.

When the old woman got home to her husband, he asked, "What did the doctor say?"
She responded, "He wants a pair of your underwear."

Same Doctor II

A lady wanted bigger breasts, so she went to her doctor to get a referral to a plastic surgeon. 

Her doctor said he would like her to try an exercise before surgery or drugs, and see how it works first. He stood up to demonstrate, held his arms straight out to the side, rotated them counterclockwise, and said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust." The doctor had her try it. The told her to do it as often as she can, and to come back in a week.

One week later, she's back at the doctor, and tells him that it didn't work. The doctor asks her how often she did the exercise, she says 4-5 times a day. The doctor tells her to do it more, 30 times a day at least, and asks her to come back in 1 week. She tries this, performing the exercise whenever she can.

One day, as she waited to check out at Safeway, she started her exercise. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust."

The man in front of her turns around, asks if she sees Dr. Johnson. "Yes, how did you know?" she queries.

The man faces her, places both hands on his hips, moves his hips in a circular motion, and says, "Hickory dickory dock......."