Late Night Phone Call

It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings.

The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello?.... How the heck would I know? - Am i the weather man?" promptly slamming the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"

The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

King of Comeback

One morning she gently woke him by sitting across his chest.

He was the "King of Comebacks," and she thought she might just have the remark to shut his mouth.

She asked, "Do you want me to get OFF so that you can GO, or do you want me to get ON so that you can COME?"

He was speechless.

Just Wetting my Fingers

A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her "kitty". 

He did this only for a very short while, then he would stop and resume reading his book.

After a few minutes of more reading, he reached over to his wife and started fondling her "kitty" again. Moments later, he resumed his reading.

The wife gradually became aroused with this, and thought that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement before going any further.

She got up and started stripping in front of him.

The husband was confused and asked, "What are you doing taking your clothes off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with my "kitty". I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.

The husband said, "No, not at all."

The wife then asked," Well, what the hell were you doing then?"

"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."