A lawyer married a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom,
"Please, promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least
one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to
explain the phenomenon.
She responded: "My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the
entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be.
"My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it
was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.
"My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything
was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.
"My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying
- "Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach."
"My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the
order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
"My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic
process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new
"My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew how, but he
just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he
met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it.
"My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product, he
just wasn't sure how to position it.
"My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about
"My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was
look at it.
"My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do
was... well... God I miss him!"
She finally smiled and turned to him. "So now I've married you, and I'm
"Why is that?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer! I just know I'm going to get